YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
