I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
