Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
