I wish I could punch you in the face.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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