I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
