He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
