It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
