i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
