its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize