Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i think i have two assholes
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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