My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
