dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
