I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
