you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
