If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
