So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
