Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
