So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
