I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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