If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
