apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
