I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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