I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
