Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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