I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your cock deserves a montage
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
