she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
