operation harelip BJ is a go
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
