new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i out mim tonsoeep
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