I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
