mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
