marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
