Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
