This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
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