my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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