i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
