Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
