You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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