your room smells of hookers.
And success
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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