and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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