I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize