u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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