Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
