I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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