I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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