I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
These tits shall not be calmed
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
