I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
