I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
