they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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