Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You ruined the universe
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
