I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
