now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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