Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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