she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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