Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize