So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
