I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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