even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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