Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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