I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
