Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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