I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
