1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
