she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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