So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need to sanitize my soul.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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