Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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