the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
