Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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