Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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