i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
