hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
