his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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