i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
