soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
